Chapter 4 of A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle explores how the ego creates different roles that people play in their personal and professional lives. These are often driven by a need for validation or control and are often unconscious. The ego doesn’t realize that you are the source of energy and do not need to go in search of energy.  A shy person isn’t without an ego.  Shyness is often part of a feeling of inadequacy.  Different versions of ego seek different versions of external energy.

This continues into our roles and functions in the world.  “I am a mother.”  “I am middle-class.”  We may have a notion of the role we play, the role another is playing, and our roles in relation to each other.  In this instance, one is actually relating to the identities they created.  Tolle explains that identifying with these roles reinforces a false sense of self and keeps individuals stuck in patterns that block true authenticity and presence.

Tolle states that “Awareness is the greatest agent for change.”  Unexamined situations are the source of unnecessary negative emotions.  Our thoughts are the source of unnecessary negative emotions.  He recommends a process for when you feel unhappy with something.

1. Acknowledge it.  “There is unhappiness in me.”  Notice he doesn’t say “I am unhappy.”  He phrases it as such because it is not who you are.
2. Investigate it and separate yourself from it.   Is action required to change the situation?  Do you need to remove yourself from the situation?  Is there nothing you can do?

“When you don’t play roles, it means there is no self (ego) in what you do.

There is no secondary agenda: protection or strengthening of your self…You become one with [the situation]. 

You don’t try to be anybody in particular.” 

Tolle emphasizes that self-awareness is the key to breaking free from these egoic patterns. By observing how we identify with roles, we can transcend them and connect with our deeper, truer selves.  

Can you think of times when you identified with each of these roles:

• The Role of the Victim: Many people unknowingly adopt a victim mentality, seeing themselves as wronged by life. This fuels suffering and resentment.
• The Role of the Resentful and the Angry:  Holding onto grievances strengthens the ego and creates an identity based on opposition and suffering.
• The Parent and Child Dynamic: Parents often project their egos onto their children, seeing them as extensions of themselves rather than as independent beings.

Identifying Your Roles

Take a few minutes to write down the different roles you play in your life (such as parent, professional, friend, and/or helper). For each role, reflect on the following:

• How does this role shape my behavior and interactions?
• Do I feel pressure to act a certain way because of this role?
• What would it feel like to engage in this role without attachment to my ego or identity?

Observing Emotional Reactions

Over the next few days, pay close attention to moments when you feel triggered by someone else’s actions or words. When this happens, pause and ask yourself:

• What role am I playing right now (e.g., victim, the one who needs to be right, the peacemaker)?
• What story is my ego creating about this situation?
• Can I shift my perspective and see this moment as neutral instead of personal?

Write down your observations in a journal and note any patterns you discover.

Practicing Presence in Everyday Interactions

Choose one daily activity, such as having a conversation, preparing a meal, or working on a task and consciously practice not playing a role. Instead:

• Be fully present in what you are doing.
• Let go of any need to prove something, seek approval, or control the outcome.
• Notice how it feels to engage without an agenda, allowing the moment to unfold naturally.
• Later, reflect.  Did you notice a difference in how you felt or how others responded?